Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Our First Fight (Me and the Dating Service That Is)

Recently, I shared the heartwarming story of the dating service that reached out to me directly (and unsolicited) to assist me in finding my “dream man.”  After my email reply that outlined in graphic detail what I was looking for, I received the following response…

Dear Ms. Adams,
We received your email about our recent offer for services in meeting some local singles pressure-free and there may be a misunderstanding to the types of services we offer.  For a monthly fee, we give you the chance to network with other singles that we help facilitate meetings and casual dating opportunities. Our patented matching program helps find more compatible singles but unfortunately, we aren’t able to match specific criteria like you provided in your email.  Please let us know how we can help you in your quest for true love!
Dating Service Not to be Named (I still may need these bitches)

Well color me disappointed!  Needless to say, I also believed there to be a clear misunderstanding.  You can’t promise, “ Let us help you find the man of your dreams.” and not deliver.  Of course I responded.

Dear Dating Service I am edging closer to naming,
I received your email about my email that was responding to your first email.  I have to admit I’m mildly confused.  Perhaps, in my quest for true love I need a man who articulates himself clearly, please add that to the aforementioned list I provided.  I’m no lawyer, but I do believe your first email did, in fact, promise to help me “find the man of my dreams” only to retract said offer.  Isn’t that, like, slander or contra ius commune (I Googled that shit, so I know what it means) or some other Latin term that I didn’t have the energy to Google?   Ooh – that reminds me – I don’t' want my dream man to be a lawyer!  Please add that to the list.

How often does a person come to you with such clarity in terms of requirements in a mate?  I hate to even have to say this, but  I think this is our first fight. I’m hurt and disappointed, and let’s be honest, I feel a little foolish for believing that this time it might be the real thing.  I feel like I provided you with ample material to find such a man. I am getting the feeling that you didn’t even try! 

And let’s be honest, your offer to help me network with local singles isn’t the best strategy in my mind, I mean I mingle with them all the time!  I was hoping to cut out the whole “mingle” part and go straight to dream man.  I think I need to take a few days to process this.  Don’t call me, don’t email or text.  I just need some space and some time to sort through this devastating blow.  It’s just how it has to be. 


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