Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I Suck at Traveling, Why Sky Mall is Dumb/Awesome and I Drool Sometimes

IMAG0714I travel with my job and frequently find myself ill prepared for the trip.  Two recent trips seemed to have a religious theme, I saw the same pair of nuns on both my flights and then shared a few beers with a priest from Boston.  He was rad, and I bought the beers just in case God was keeping score.  I have sat next to foreign diplomats, manufacturing plant managers, rugby players, ultra runners, moms, students heading to college, air marshals, and I generally have a good time with whoever has the misfortune of having me sit next to them. 

A recent flight to Vermont via D.C. had some of the worst traveling luck and this is coming from a person who once got stuck in Milwaukee at midnight with one credit card that got demagnetized by the Novelty Statue of Liberty magnet I was buying my kids so I had no hotel, no money, and no flight out of the airport for 12 hours.  Yes, this trip trumped that one in so many ways.  Here is just one example. 

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Love Letters

I received this email from a friend…. it reminds me of all the beautiful things life has to offer…
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
The Titanic

Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Our First Fight (Me and the Dating Service That Is)

Recently, I shared the heartwarming story of the dating service that reached out to me directly (and unsolicited) to assist me in finding my “dream man.”  After my email reply that outlined in graphic detail what I was looking for, I received the following response…

Dear Ms. Adams,
We received your email about our recent offer for services in meeting some local singles pressure-free and there may be a misunderstanding to the types of services we offer.  For a monthly fee, we give you the chance to network with other singles that we help facilitate meetings and casual dating opportunities. Our patented matching program helps find more compatible singles but unfortunately, we aren’t able to match specific criteria like you provided in your email.  Please let us know how we can help you in your quest for true love!
Dating Service Not to be Named (I still may need these bitches)

Well color me disappointed!  Needless to say, I also believed there to be a clear misunderstanding.  You can’t promise, “ Let us help you find the man of your dreams.” and not deliver.  Of course I responded.

Friday, August 12, 2011

I'm Alive!

I have been traveling and causing trouble all up and down the East Coast.  Seriously.... and have I got a story for YOU!  (Alas I am too tired to tell you right now, BUT it will be told)

Here is your reminder that everything is going to be okay.

You're welcome.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Carrie's Corner for Horrifyingly Bad Dating Advice: YOUR Questions Answered

I love the people who read my blog, I really do.  My original post on dating advice has been my most popular so far.  I don't know if I should be flattered or if it should serve as a message to me and a warning to others.

I don't know how, or why anyone saw any merit in my last post offering dating advice, but I did get a whole host of responses which I answered directly.   I'd like to share those with you.  I've shortened the names to protect the innocent... and the sad....except for you "Big Tony."  I gave additional details on you.

Dear Carrie,
I read your blog post and I think you may be onto something.  Keep up the good work.  One question, do you think it's okay to go home with a guy on the first date?

Dear A.W.
I have to tell you that this one hinges entirely on the home in question.  Lake house in a gated community - Yes.  Crack House - No.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Now the “9” is sticking9999

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999[ (That mark is from me hitting my computer so that it would stop doing it.  Eff.)

Monday, August 1, 2011

Why I Hate Sprint and in Related News, Best Buy Sucks Too

I’ve been away.  I’m sorry my blogging was non-existent.  My computer is spazzy… I wrote about it last week in my love letter to Best Buy

So, it’s my fault.  I get it.  I spilled water all over my phone AND my computer as I was calling someone for an interview for my grown up job blog.  It was a cool story too, this amazing police officer from Jersey was shot like nine times and survived!  Bananas.  Anyways, my speaker was trashed, I sounded like I was under water and no one could understand or hear me when I was on the phone.  I panicked.  Full-blown, crazy eyes, ‘WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO NOW’ mode where I wanted to immediately call my dad.  But this wasn’t time for DEFCON 5.  I had to pull it together.