Real Text Messages I’ve Gotten This Week

I posted a blog about actual text messages I get on my phone.  And this is the second installment.  I wish I could make this up.  Enjoy the random.
Texts to Me
“No better way to start your day than coffee, being late for work, and being arrested on the way there.”
Text to me: “I’m pretty sure I forgot where you live.”  9:19PM
Second text to me: “Yes, I’m at a house right now and this nice woman says you don’t live here…” 9:27PM
“I’d like to move to Jamba Juice.  Like, inside the lobby.  LIVE there.  You can come.”
“Look what I’m doing!  (you’ll appreciate this).  Dragging this hand over hand up my driveway!  Fun!!!  (see LARGE tire pic)
“If you don’t have a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day, I’ll buy you a cat.”
“Jewish means they have been circumcised right?”
“I realized today how much being gay has improved my appearance.  I’m way hotter gay.” 
“Your kid stab anyone at school today?”
Texts I’ve sent this week:
“PS… I stalked your page and saw the ketchup quote.  I eat ketchup on everything.  I am gay for ketchup.”
“Fuck Hydrogen.  I’ve never liked noble gasses.”
“I feel like I am walking like a hunchback cowboy.”
“You can always find the answer in a gangsta rap lyric.  Always.”
“Are you going to the gym today?  My soul died on the stair climber yesterday and I need to retrieve it.”