I received this email from Dr. Evangelina Helms (firstname.lastname@example.org) and woman to woman, I felt like it needed a response. The artistic level of this spam is notable and her intent so heartwarming, I also desperately wanted to start a slow clap like the one at the end of the movie Lucas when the title character, played by Corey Haim, sees the letter jacket hanging in his locker after the big game and it’s eight sizes too big for him but the football team (who has to be comprised of actors in their mid thirties), finally give the little guy the respect that he desperately craves.
Even if your sex life is already rich and fulfilling... Imagine you had a little more energy... if your erections stayed harder... or you could go just a little longer...Or maybe you worry, when you climb under the covers, that you’re starting something you can’t finish?
Well, now advancements in natural medicine are making it easier than ever to promote a strong libido, firm, natural erections and enhanced desire. Now thanks to this exciting natural breakthrough, you could get an erection “on demand” and when you do, sustain it long enough – and keep firm enough — to fully satisfy your wife in bed. Even if you’re in your 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s or older!
As a doctor, I’ve learned something over the years that may surprise you — age has very little to do with sex. There are men out there having the best sex of their lives well into their 80th year and beyond. And those men have three key things in common that their sex starved friends don’t:
Hard, recurring erections...Heightened desire and stamina...And a reproductive system that could be functioning at the top of its game... Lucky? You bet.
But you too could give your body the nutrients it needs to support your entire sexual health.
How long time ago did you have your last night of passionate sex? Let’s repeat it!
My response is as follows:
I read this quote today and immediately thought of you, “There is no more noble occupation in the world than to assist another human being - to help someone succeed” (Alan Loy). As a 30 year old woman, I wasn’t expecting such a message in my inbox, but then it hit me! Your crusade as outlined in your email is one that I can only begin to express my gratitude. I found myself welling up with tears at the mere thought that it might be possible. We’ve all been there, excited about a new guy, get to that part of the date and then BOOM complete disappointment. And it’s not just size, although, that matters too. I mean, let’s not kid ourselves, motion in the ocean is only as good as the ship creating the wake and “tug boats” aren’t really my thing. I don’t think “air craft carrier” is necessary, but we all have standards. (Insert any manner of “that’s what she said” here. The possibilities are endless.)
I will do whatever I can to help you further your mission and distribute your message. Men everywhere need to aspire to your described, “Hard, recurring erections...Heightened desire and stamina...And a reproductive system that could be functioning at the top of its game.” I mean, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said those exact words as I exited flailing relationships. And I’ve often noted that fulfilled sexual relationships worldwide is the gateway to world peace.
To that end, I’ve submitted a formal request to the Nobel Prize Organization on your behalf. While, not a qualified nominator myself, I will lobby tirelessly on your behalf for the coveted Peace prize. Maybe 2012 will be the year of repeated passionate sex and the year that laundry driers everywhere can be used as they were intended and not as a B.O.B’s for unsatisfied women across the globe. Evangelina, I want to live in a world where “on demand” erections are an every day occurrence. Thank you for making me believe. Thank you…
*Begin slow clap now*
(Note: I would have included a logo of the Nobel Prize but according to their website: The names, titles, building images, trademarks, service marks and logos that appear on the Site are registered and unregistered marks of the Nobel Foundation, including but not limited to Nobel Prize®, the Nobel Medal® design mark, Nobelprize.org®, Nobel Museum®, Nobelmuseet®, Nobel Media® and Nobel Symposia® (collectively, the "Nobel Foundation trademarks"). The Nobel Foundation is most restrictive in permitting use of these trademarks, and you may not use the Nobel Foundation trademarks without prior written permission from the Nobel Foundation. So…… yeah. They didn’t give me written permission. I sent them an email though… and surprisingly they haven’t responded. But that’s another story for another day.)